Running Faster

As some of you know(haha, I'm writing this as if I actually have readers!), I'm from VT.  In VT we always wear flannel.  It's so ingrained in our lifestyle, it's what makes us rugged.  The more flannel you own, and frequency that you wear it determines your ruggedness.  It's a simple mathematical equation:

[(F*N*(VT-X)*M*D)^y]A = R,

Where F, N, VT, X, M, D, A and R are the number of flannel shirts you own, number of days per week you wear them, number of years you lived in VT, number of years you lived anywhere else in the world(add up any time you were away from VT, to the hour.), the number of gallons of maple syrup you consume in a year, the number of times you've stood on the top of Mt. Mansfield, the number of years VT has been a state(to account for the pussification of VTers turning into whiny wannabe hippie/emo/indie kids) and the Ruggedness Factor, respectively.

For many, y = 1.  This number is the key to ultra ruggedness. To increase it, you must EAT FLANNEL.  That's right.  It's not enough just to wear it and proclaim yourself a true Vermonter, EAT IT.  For every pound eaten per calendar year, the exponential increases by 0.5.  Science can't explain the nutritional benefits of flannel(ask a doctor, he'll probably tell you it's "inadvisable" and wont offer you any nutritional value).  It's fuzzy plaid, that doesn't wet your palate?

Anyway, running fast is directly proportional to being more rugged.  So, gain ruggedness, gain speed and ability.  I myself have a ruggedness factor of ~15.93.  Being that I live outside the great Green Mountain state, I'll need to begin eating the magnificent fabric asap if I want to retain or improve my athletic abilities.  What's your R value?

So what we've learned here is that simply making proclamations regarding flannel, living in VT and wearing it on random days has no bearing on VT-based ruggedness.  None.  So stop saying it.

Also, look at this-

VT Flannel

How much fat did you eat today?